‘J’ is for: Jealousy


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Are you unworthy? Do you feel that you are undeserving? How about insecure? I ask you these questions because those are the foundations of jealousy. The trauma & pain from our past has left scars on our hearts & mind that lead to the development of a jealous attitude. The problem begins within ourselves, below the surface. Our subconscious carries our scars & without realizing it effects our entire lives. The difference between someone who gets jealous or envious & someone who doesn’t is the degree to which we believe in ourselves. If we give into jealousy, envy or entitlement it is actually an act of pride! We become prideful because we are wanting something that we feel undeserving of, whether it be another person, honesty, faithfulness, an object someone else has or the life of someone else. When we want these things but don’t feel deserving it is actually a symptom of low self-esteem & insecurity. The basis by which you are comparing yourself is CORRUPT, which means you will almost always come up short!

For example: What about when we have a partner and we worry about them cheating or leaving us? This is by far, the most noticeable form of jealousy. This jealousy will always lead to possessiveness in the relationship. It is rooted in the same belief system that we aren’t good enough to hold onto the relationship & person we have given our heart too & so desperately want! When you or your partner suffers from this FEAR it puts a lot of unfair constriction on the relationship since they are unable to differentiate if there is actually any cause for concern.

We must try & always remember that fear constricts while love liberates. If you are grasping onto your partner and petrified/infuriated every time you sense someone finds them attractive or they find a little freedom or spiritual enlightenment within themselves, then you are holding on too tightly. There NEEDS to be TRUST in the relationship, otherwise the commitment is unlikely to be genuine. We absolutely need security in order to open our heart, mind & soul and share ourselves so vulnerably.

Now, there absolutely are times when these feeling are reasonable. I know from personal experience how the feelings of jealousy, envy & distrust can creep up into a relationship. The worst part about it is when you’re unsure if you have a reason to feel this way. After 12 years (5 of which were spent apart) of what I believed was the perfect off/on relationship, I discovered my ex-husband was in fact a narcissistic sociopath who was incapable of being honest & faithful. Our entire relationship was a lie! I didn’t discover this until he had convinced me that I was crazy for feeling that something was wrong. If your partner is allowing “emotional leaks” into your relationship, meaning they are enjoying the attentions (emotional or physical) of another beyond what is appropriate, you obviously have grounds to feel upset. It is completely selfish & inappropriate to allow any kind of emotional or physical bonding outside of your relationship. But as I learned first hand, you CANNOT allow these unfortunate & very devastating circumstances drive you crazy or steal your joy & self-esteem. Because that’s exactly what I did and the only thing I accomplished by doing this was throw myself into a deep depression & years of unhealthy behavior.

So, how do we learn to release the feelings of jealousy, envy & insecurity? How do we learn to trust after we have been hurt so deeply? How do we stop coveting our neighbors marriage or boat? How do we learn to trust after the trauma of a bad relationship? How can we change the beliefs that we were conditioned to believe as children?

We sometimes think that we will receive a miracle and the feelings of jealousy, envy & the inability to trust will never bother us again. That very well may happen but, don’t count on it. Fortunately,  most of the work we do on the path to spiritual enlightenment is about restraining ourselves time and time again until our new pattern of belief is habitual.

The very first step is to be vigilant. Anytime you feel yourself moving into a jealous or envious mindset or noticing the negative feelings starting to pop-up, affirm the truth. And the truth is, we are WORTHY! We DESERVE trust & love! And we can become confident in this. It’s the “fake it until you make it principle”. If we continue to replace the negative feelings & thoughts with positive ones, we will eventually re-condition ourselves to live the truth of our worth & have higher self-esteem and put more value on ourselves. Only then can we have a jealousy & envious FREE life!

you must have COMPASSION for yourself, there are rational reasons for why you are afraid & are insecure. Just be careful to not indulge in self-pity or play the “victim”. The mistreatment in your life that led to low self-esteem is more common than most of us realize sometimes. But you have to accept your history and also accept the work ahead. We all have obstacles that we need to overcome, none of us get it “easy”. We must ACCEPT the challenge that The Universe thought necessary for us to rise up and reach our higher self. Trust in God that now is the time for you to take it on.


Namasté ❤

A2Z-BADGE-100 [2017]






I wanted to write this beautiful & eloquent post that was worthy of my baby brother’s photo being on it. But honestly, there is absolutely nothing I can say that would do him or my Mama justice. His beautiful, loving, extremely sweet & daredevil Soul was taken all too soon from this World. And I honestly, have absolutely no idea how my Mama made it through. I pray to God daily that I never have to find out where she managed to find her strength & will to live after having to make the decision to unplug her youngest child from life support…  It’s been 22 years and we still don’t have any answers as to why The Universe decided to take him back. But, in his short, 2 year & 8 month long life, he touched the lives of so many. I often wonder what kind of man he would be. Would he have been the “good” one? Would he have a family? Would he continue in the daredevil spirit and be into extreme sports? Would he still be kind & gentle, making the World a better place for all? I’m pretty positive he would be all of the above! He was meant for greatness! So why was his life cut so extremely short?! These are things I will never understand about how The Universe works…

I used to dream of you so often, where did you go? Is it a coincidence that I haven’t dreamed of you since I gave birth to my oldest son? Surely not. Did you choose to re-incarnate so soon? Did you choose to become my son instead of my brother? Why would you leave Mama in such pain like that? Or did you have no choice but to leave and so you tried to come back to us? Or is the pain of losing you clouding my intuition completely and you’re still here watching over us? Maybe the fear of losing my own child shut my intuition down and so you CAN’T come to me in my dreams anymore? I wish I knew the answers… Maybe some day when we are together again on the other side…

You are truly & DEEPLY missed Jeff! You were the epitome of Love! Your Soul lives on forever, we know. We just wish it could have been with us for much, MUCH longer…

We were blessed to have you for the time we were allotted.

Happy Birthday Sweet Angel Baby, Your Sissy ❤

Our Reality


As Mama’s we constantly have to multitask. As I sat down to work today and start researching topics for a post, I had a little gnome rummaging around at my feet. Biting me (he got 6 teeth in at once & is crazy about using them), beating me with the cat toy & trying to get to the cords and paperwork under my desk. Before I knew it, I had nothing done and was playing with the boy. When he decided to skip his nap today, there went my ability to get any work done today and left me with nothing to write about. I can tell you the very LAST thing I wanted to do tonight after cooking, doing laundry, bathing the spaghetti off the baby & finally getting the boy in bed, is to sit down at the computer and try to think of something to write about. Then it hit me (not the cat toy this time), I know exactly what to write about!

We get frustrated. The baby won’t nap, the kids are getting into everything except what they’re aloud too and we find ourselves yelling and accomplishing absolutely nothing.

We all know that they don’t stay little long, today they are as young as they will ever be. So, instead of letting myself get frustrated, I gave the boys the attention they were craving. I played Boggle with the biggest one, took the smallest one outside to play in the grass and because the middle one was completely tuckered out from school he fell asleep on the couch and I actually got to sit the and look at him. How often do we get to REALLY look at our babies when they start to get bigger? Once they become mobile it’s usually over and all we get to see is a blur as they run past us. lol I may not have gotten any research done, but I sure did enjoy myself and got some much needed quality time with my boys.

Spirituality in my life, isn’t looking perfect while sitting under a tree meditating for hours. I’m a Mama and wife above all else. I have to cook, clean and raise these little humans to be functioning, respectful adults one day. Not to mention, I have to make sure to have quality time with my husband. The reality of my spiritual life, is that I spend most of my day trying to keep my boys from killing themselves and each other. My daily yoga consists of my having to move all the toys out of the middle of the floor first and then making sure I don’t crush any little fingers & toes during my transitions all while my feet are being attacked by the family cat, I literally have bite marks (from the baby & cat) all over my yoga mat. The times I actually get the chance to sit & meditate (which is rare) I usually end up falling asleep! My “workout” consists of me doing toe raises, squats and leg  lifts while I breastfeed the baby to sleep. Hey, the added weight has done wonders for my strength! 😉

The point I’m trying to make is this, if what you are trying to achieve is a genuine, livable, real-life sense of spiritual being, then you’re in the right place! Just because your life may be crazy hectic, doesn’t mean you aren’t living your enlightened path! I do it every day. For me, it all started by watching my tone and words with my husband and boys, it just naturally progressed from there.

In order to live your Spiritual Reality, start by taking advantage of those moments when your young’uns are driving you bat shit crazy. If they are continuously getting into something or badgering you, chances are they just need some quality attention. Give it freely! Before long, they will be dying to get away from you and you’ll miss the day they kept hitting you with the cat toy trying to play…