How often do you find yourself exhausted from yelling at your children all day? It seems the more you yell, the worse they act! It doesn’t have to be this way… Your home CAN & SHOULD be a place of peaceful, respectful & open communication!
“Shifting your parenting approach is a big transition, and you can expect some bumps as you and your child learn new patterns of relating. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, what’s happening is that you’re healing old hurt feelings so they stop driving new bad behavior. When your child acts out, he’s showing you feelings from the past, from those times when you yelled or punished, and he felt so alone and misunderstood. It takes extra compassion from you, but your empathic response will heal those hurts so you can all move on.
So ditch that guilt — you’re paying the price, after all, and making amends now, by helping your child through all those old hurt feelings. Besides, feeling bad doesn’t help you act “good,” any more than it helps your child. Here’s your plan. Take it step by step.”
The most important aspect of practicing “Peaceful Parenting” is to start fresh every day! WE ARE HUMAN, therefore we will revert to the old habits & behaviors of yelling & punishing our children out of frustration. We need to remember to be gentle with ourselves first, the natural following of this will be to be gentle with our children. Our children learn how to act & respond to emotional situations by watching how we react. Our children are ALWAYS watching & learning from us, if we are able to keep our cool & react in a positive constructive manner (whether it be road rage, discipline, or because you burnt supper) you are teaching them valuable lessons that will influence them for the rest of their lives!
Here are some of the ways I have started taking a more peaceful & purposeful approach in my parenting:
- The fist step, is to start managing & controlling our responses to frustration & anger. I try my hardest to not yell, it is ineffective & creates a rougher situation than necessary. I also take the time to ensure I explain what it is that they did wrong & why it is wrong, then I offer an alternative, more positive way for them to do things. If I am too upset, we ALL “take a break” or “time-out” until we are calm and have control over ourselves
- If the boys get to riled up, start fighting, yelling, or running in the house: If it’s nice out, I take them outside & let them get their stink out. If we are confined to the indoors for whatever reason, I start with the oldest & work my way down the line, I ask them to come over to me & wrap my arms gently around them with their head on my shoulder. I ask them to take 5 deep breathes with me, then I pull my head back far enough to look them in the eye & ask them to please calm down, I don’t want them to get hurt. I usually have to do this quite a few times. If they are persisting then I separate them all in separate corners of the room, it’s not a “time-out”, but “taking a break to catch our breathe”.
- If they have done something wrong & they need to be punished: Once everyone is calm, I pull the culprit aside. We have a conversation in private to explain A) What it was they did wrong (which rule was broken). B) Ask what they believe an appropriate consequence would be & C) Set the appropriate consequence. If you decided on taking something away, it is important to set a time limit for this. The most frequent punishment with my boys is putting the tablets up for 24 hours.
How do you practice being a peaceful & purposeful parent? And what differences have you noticed in your children’s behavior by taking a different approach?
WE ARE BLESSED!!!