‘J’ is for: Jealousy


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Are you unworthy? Do you feel that you are undeserving? How about insecure? I ask you these questions because those are the foundations of jealousy. The trauma & pain from our past has left scars on our hearts & mind that lead to the development of a jealous attitude. The problem begins within ourselves, below the surface. Our subconscious carries our scars & without realizing it effects our entire lives. The difference between someone who gets jealous or envious & someone who doesn’t is the degree to which we believe in ourselves. If we give into jealousy, envy or entitlement it is actually an act of pride! We become prideful because we are wanting something that we feel undeserving of, whether it be another person, honesty, faithfulness, an object someone else has or the life of someone else. When we want these things but don’t feel deserving it is actually a symptom of low self-esteem & insecurity. The basis by which you are comparing yourself is CORRUPT, which means you will almost always come up short!

For example: What about when we have a partner and we worry about them cheating or leaving us? This is by far, the most noticeable form of jealousy. This jealousy will always lead to possessiveness in the relationship. It is rooted in the same belief system that we aren’t good enough to hold onto the relationship & person we have given our heart too & so desperately want! When you or your partner suffers from this FEAR it puts a lot of unfair constriction on the relationship since they are unable to differentiate if there is actually any cause for concern.

We must try & always remember that fear constricts while love liberates. If you are grasping onto your partner and petrified/infuriated every time you sense someone finds them attractive or they find a little freedom or spiritual enlightenment within themselves, then you are holding on too tightly. There NEEDS to be TRUST in the relationship, otherwise the commitment is unlikely to be genuine. We absolutely need security in order to open our heart, mind & soul and share ourselves so vulnerably.

Now, there absolutely are times when these feeling are reasonable. I know from personal experience how the feelings of jealousy, envy & distrust can creep up into a relationship. The worst part about it is when you’re unsure if you have a reason to feel this way. After 12 years (5 of which were spent apart) of what I believed was the perfect off/on relationship, I discovered my ex-husband was in fact a narcissistic sociopath who was incapable of being honest & faithful. Our entire relationship was a lie! I didn’t discover this until he had convinced me that I was crazy for feeling that something was wrong. If your partner is allowing “emotional leaks” into your relationship, meaning they are enjoying the attentions (emotional or physical) of another beyond what is appropriate, you obviously have grounds to feel upset. It is completely selfish & inappropriate to allow any kind of emotional or physical bonding outside of your relationship. But as I learned first hand, you CANNOT allow these unfortunate & very devastating circumstances drive you crazy or steal your joy & self-esteem. Because that’s exactly what I did and the only thing I accomplished by doing this was throw myself into a deep depression & years of unhealthy behavior.

So, how do we learn to release the feelings of jealousy, envy & insecurity? How do we learn to trust after we have been hurt so deeply? How do we stop coveting our neighbors marriage or boat? How do we learn to trust after the trauma of a bad relationship? How can we change the beliefs that we were conditioned to believe as children?

We sometimes think that we will receive a miracle and the feelings of jealousy, envy & the inability to trust will never bother us again. That very well may happen but, don’t count on it. Fortunately,  most of the work we do on the path to spiritual enlightenment is about restraining ourselves time and time again until our new pattern of belief is habitual.

The very first step is to be vigilant. Anytime you feel yourself moving into a jealous or envious mindset or noticing the negative feelings starting to pop-up, affirm the truth. And the truth is, we are WORTHY! We DESERVE trust & love! And we can become confident in this. It’s the “fake it until you make it principle”. If we continue to replace the negative feelings & thoughts with positive ones, we will eventually re-condition ourselves to live the truth of our worth & have higher self-esteem and put more value on ourselves. Only then can we have a jealousy & envious FREE life!

you must have COMPASSION for yourself, there are rational reasons for why you are afraid & are insecure. Just be careful to not indulge in self-pity or play the “victim”. The mistreatment in your life that led to low self-esteem is more common than most of us realize sometimes. But you have to accept your history and also accept the work ahead. We all have obstacles that we need to overcome, none of us get it “easy”. We must ACCEPT the challenge that The Universe thought necessary for us to rise up and reach our higher self. Trust in God that now is the time for you to take it on.


Namasté ❤

A2Z-BADGE-100 [2017]




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